flustermatated

i’m frustrated. i wish i weren’t, and i’ll admit that i’m feeling a tidbit “unspiritual” for it … and maybe that’s valid. i think a big part of my faith journey really is becoming an academy of contentedness right now. can i legitimately be content (and joyful … and fulfilled … and [insert spiritually mature characteristic here] …) in my present situation? especially if it’s not where i want to be?

intellectually? yes. practically? emotionally? i’m so sure i am.

i am waiting for things to work out, to change, for my life’s goals and ambitions and heart’s desire to come to bear. but perhaps i need to stop waiting for my “ideal” situation to come about and start doing the things that i intend to do when those things take place right away, in the here-and-now.

when it comes down to it, Jesus probably didn’t enter the desert and say to himself, “hey now – this whole desert-and-fasting thing will only be forty days. i can stick it out and then start doing all the stuff i’m supposed to do.” i bet when the devil started with temptation attack, Jesus wasn’t sure when it would end … he just did what he knew he needed to do. rely on God. stay devoted to God. worship God in all things.

if this is my desert time (or one of my desert times), then i need to have the same attitude, right?

again, i know this … it’s the connecting my heart to what my head knows.

that’s the tough spot.

peace – b