catching up on me

so, while i clearly don't blog on a regular basis, i do find myself reflecting quite a bit. i discover myself, most often these latest of days, to be caught between the ideal and the real. it's that location that is drawn between the massive gravitational pulls of what should be and what really is. the hard part is determining when i should be content with what is and when i should desire and endeavor to move beyond.

my line of work is one that constantly wars with these states. on the one hand, i have learned over the past several years to strive to walk with people through whatever it is they find themselves mired in, whether good or bad. it is the condition of humanity to constantly answer the call of the present, regardless of what has been, might be, or will be. and so often, people will respond with outright "no's" when pushed from the places of life to which they have become accustomed or seduced, regardless of the merit or persuasiveness of the argument.

on the remaining hand, i have the privilege of delving deep into the recesses of God's revealed will for us on a regular (and vocational) basis, which lends insights and direction as to where all of us should be (or, at least, should be striving towards). this stirs me up to leave a contentment with the present far behind and push for the sublime that God details.

so what to do, and when to push, and when to simply stand by? to stand by is to let those i love careen down a hell-bent (or, less glamorously, unhealthy) path. to intervene can have the effect of furthering the errant pathway. there is no simple formula, not easily contrived balancing of factors that allows for deciding what-to-do-and-when.

i suppose it is the tension i most despise.

truly, and not said with some wimpy, christian platitude air, i can pray: tapping into the counsel and heart of the Almighty is by far the greatest thing i can do. but in the tangible, day-to-day, what is left? how do we decide when to wait and when to push? when is the weight of saying nothing too great a burden to bear? when is the danger of demanding too much dissuading enough?

i find it is in the wrestling with the tension that my heart is most transformed, albeit mostly without the answers i fervently seek.